Hard to Hold

I really don’t know where the time has gone? When we’re younger, waiting even an hour for something seemed eternal.  Now, days and weeks fly by with the slippery texture of a greased watermelon.

Like the 1984 Rick Springfield movie, time is hard to hold.

Today is the last day of 2012 and I can’t help but consider what I’ve learned in the past 364 days.  I am not a stickler for New Year’s resolutions. In fact, I usually look at things I can do better, not new things I want to start. Where can I improve? What do I really need? What do I really want? What could make my life better?

Last year I resolved to devote my time and resources to rehabilitating my shoulder with a man named Matt Pack.  He’s the owner of a local, private gym called  Primal Fit. It’s hard, and sometimes uncomfortable and fairly costly.  But you know what – if you aren’t spending the money on your very basic survival, in this case, what are you spending it on?

I wanted to make a valid attempt at improving my quality of life. At living without pain. At slowing down the degenerative process of the disease I have had for the last 37 years.  At keeping my mobility in check. I’m 43 years old but it felt like I was 143.  I am proud to say that my work and dedication paid off. In spades.  I’m moving and feeling better and as a result, I’ve lost a bunch of weight.  In fact, I was in the grocery store yesterday and a friend I hadn’t seen in about a year, stopped in her tracks and said “Rebecca? Look at you, you’ve lost so much weight!” Then she stared at me and felt my arms…a little strange, I know but reaffirming.

I’m not done on this quest, in fact it’s really not something I think I’m ever going to be done with. I’m going to have to work at it for the rest of my life. Not because I have Type 1 Diabetes, but because I am human. If we want to see change, we have to do things differently.  And that is my end of year lesson that works for every single one of us.  Step out of your box and into possibility.

If things aren’t going the way you want, then change the only thing you can – yourself. It’s no one else’s responsibility.

In 2012, I’ve laughed more than I cried. I was a good friend. I reconnected with some amazing people. I lost a woman I loved dearly. I lost friends. I grieved for friends who suffered devastating loss.  Still do.  I drank more water. I got more sleep. I was more accountable. I spent more time with my family. I questioned. I tried to let go of anger. I tried to be more patient. I donated time and money to several worthy institutions and people. I loved. I felt loved. I was a good mom. I shared. I took some chances.  I focused on what I wanted rather than what I didn’t want. I manifested positivity.   I was resourceful. I lost my invisibility of years past. I took in a kitten. I was smart. I was silly. I was ridiculous. I was invested.

In addition to keeping my energy focused on my well-being, I am also going to work on not engaging anything that has even the slightest bit of toxic residue.  I’m not going to pick fights or even unnecessary communication with my ex. I’m not going to tip toe around things. I’m not going waste time doing anything that isn’t aligned with my path.  Time is fleeting.  It’s hard to hold.

Many wonderful wishes including family, friendship, good fortune and focus for 2013.  Thank you for being a part of my community.